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January 20 The Demise of Teri and Me (Or Catering III)
Right before the final curtain closed on the catering business; Hubby and I got married. Since it was the second marriage for each of us; we had decided to have a private ceremony in the Keys. Teri and Mike had a time share and offered to let us use the room if we would pay for the extra charge for an extra bedroom-of course; they would go along as well. It worked out fairly well-and for the most part we enjoyed the trip. About 4 days in-I got a bad cold and subsequently didn’t have much energy for anything but sitting by the pool. Teri wasn’t having that at all. She nagged and nagged me to go down to Duvall street, walk here, do this and do that to which I obliged. She started drinking every day at noon so by evening she was trashed, loud and obnoxious. The next day, I flat said no, I am not going. So Teri asked Hubby to go with her and Mike. He declined saying he could use the day of rest. She told him not to put up with a guilt trip from me and to do what he wanted. Hubby reminded her it was our honeymoon and we wanted to spend our time together. I was not amused. The day of rest did me good and that evening; Hubby and I decided to go back to an Italian place on “the quiet side” of the island the four of us had found earlier in the week. It was our last night and we thought it would be romantic. Right before we left, Mike and Teri came in just absolutely trashed. Teri was so loud and Mike was just his normal laughing self. They had found friends from a cruise ship and had come back to change for dinner. They wanted us to go and meet up with these people and party. We declined explaining our idea of a quiet evening and Teri threw a fit. It was our last night and I was ruining it being a baby. (?) She told me it was just a cold and that I needed to get over it! I was so over it, I just shut the door in her face and finished getting ready and we left. She didn’t talk to me the next day; and we flew to New Orleans in silence. That evening when Clarence arrived and met up with us…she decided to forgive me. Then the next day we had another fight, I forget about what but I was fed up with Teri. Teri, Mike and Clarence spent most of their time on Bourbon street until 3-4 AM partying. Hubby and I went out but usually were in bed by at least 1AM, which was plenty late enough. The day we left, Teri came down with my cold and was in a rotten mood. After snipping and bitching at every single one of us; Mike finally looked at her and said “Teri, it’s just a cold, why don’t you just get over it!” I could have laughed for an hour. I didn’t, it would have made things worse. She did finally say that she hadn’t been as sensitive as maybe she could have been; which was as close to an apology as Teri got. It took me a couple of months to get over my irritation with her about that whole vacation.
Mike’s business started to grow right away. Teri did her part by sending all of her old clientele a letter introducing the new business…riding a fine line of professional standards. I did proof the letter and we tried to walk on the right side of the line. Had I to do it over, I would have just told her I thought it was inappropriate-and listened to how wrong I was for the next hour. Teri started helping an older couple that she had met through her folks with an estate sale business. After a few months; she decided she would buy them out and run the business. Now, Teri and Mike were in a lot of debt with all of these businesses starting and not really making any money selling half of the catering business in the buy out. They were able to get loans and borrowed money from her folks; and off they went. Mike paid me well when I helped out and Teri always told him he was overpaying me. They would actually fight about it. I will have you know that I am the one who had the recipes and ingredients in my head for all of the “slightly changed” menu items on Mike’s menu. Mike told Teri he couldn’t do it without me. He started smoking meat and because it was different-he really made his way with the meats. That phased me out a bit and I thought it was probably for the best. Teri became resentful of Mike because he was cooking out of the house and was a complete slob about it.
More Later November 29 The Catering Years Part IITeri spent much of the next year scheming with lawyers on how she was going to get the business away from Jayme. Jayme refused Teri’s buy-out offer. Teri refused Jayme’s buy-out offer. Every time they went to court, the judge told them they needed to work it out themselves. Jayme served as President/Treasurer and Teri served as Vice-President, Secretary. Legally, they could both do whatever they wanted to the staff and the other could say nothing about it. Jayme fired Mike, I had long since quit not being able to stand the daily drama or Jayme’s bullying. Teri then started clocking in and paying her children, even if they weren’t there to work to get Jayme back for firing Mike. It was a mess. Most evenings we would meet at the Roxy and listen to the day’s events. Jayme ended up catching Teri on camera removing food for personal use and that did not go over well in court.
Meanwhile, one of Teri’s sisters, Geri had been having marital problems in Idaho. She began visiting more and more and the five of us really enjoyed her company. Geri was a flower child and the oldest of the group. She was mellow, with a giving spirit, a genuine laugh and love for good times. Yep, she fit right in with us 5 party people. Come to find out, they weren’t legally married. She just referred to him as her husband…something about common law. With the frequent visits to see us and libations almost every night, it didn’t take long for Geri and Clarence to start having an affair. Geri decided to leave her life in Idaho and move down to the City even though Clarence didn’t promise a long term relationship. They seemed to get along well and we all supported it and decided not to judge. That made the 6 of us. We became inseparable. Geri moved in with Teri to save money and help Mike and Teri out with their house payment. Hubby and I helped Mike start his own catering company on the weekend, with Geri and Clarence and Teri pitching in when they could. We did a lot of laughing, working, drinking and loving.
Of course, there was always the Jayme and The Business cloud for Teri. She ranted and raved to EVERYONE about it. We heard about it over and over and the more she drank, the angrier she would get about the whole mess. We spent months trying to convince her to just give in and sell it but she was so stubborn about it. Finally, when she realized that the lawyer’s expenses were literally going to take half of what Jayme was paying her, she decided to settle. She was very angry about it and ran Jayme’s name into the ground at the Chamber functions. I thought that was so unprofessional. I mean, we were all there in the capacity to get Mike’s name out there, not bitch about the past. I really started to see Teri in a different light when she did acted out. Plus, she was not shy about having a 6 pack or more at a Chamber function and being visibly drunk. Those around her laughed at her when she thought they were laughing with her. I was embarrassed many times because she was loud and really inappropriate. So was Hubby. We quit going to the functions, making up excuses to stay home.
More to come…. August 05 The Catering YearsWhen I moved to the "big city" from my college town; I knew literally no one, except my ex-husband and his best friend in the entire town. The city scared me. The first time I tried to merge into 6 lanes of traffic, I started to get so flustered, I had tears rolling down my face by the time I got to the grocery store-a full five minute drive. Soon after I moved up, my high school girlfriend, Chris moved to the suburbs so that made life less painful but she started dating a real loser so then I didn't see as much of her. My ex had a good job but I needed to find something too-I was bored, lonely and I was burnt out on school.
I got a call from an old friend named Blair that had been my manager in one of the kitchens in which I had cooked in college. He had moved up to the city to get away from his ex and start over. He said his sister and her best friend had just started a catering company and needed some help. Talk about timing! I was hired by his sister, Jayme, the next day and so began the Catering Years.  Jayme's partner and best friend was named Teri. For the first several months, I didn't know much about her, except that she was always pleasant and had a sweet husband and two cute children. Jayme immediatey befriended me but I soon discovered that she just did that to try to control me.That didn't go over very well. Teri ran the office and Jayme ran the food side of the business. Once I became acclimated to all of the menus plus prepping, cooking and expediting food, Jayme seemed to do less and less. Often not coming in until 10 or 11AM and then she was hung-over so we would be lucky if she stayed until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. She spent a lot of time in the bar, two doors down in the strip mall where we were located. Of course, the more time she spent away from the store, the more all of us working with and for Jayme lost respect for her. Jayme is also bi-polar but doesn't take her meds so Blair and I often endured a person coming to work in the best mood on Monday but by Friday be screaming at the top of her lungs about something that made no sense. I definitely had a love/hate relationship with Jayme. When she was nice, she was very nice but otherwise...she was a real b*tch. We usually had a third person helping us full time in the kitchen but it always seemed to be a different-forgettable-person rotating in that position. Blair got fed up with Jayme after a few months and quit. Jayme hired a bartender named Clarence to help manage the kitchen so she could step out and work in the office. Clarence is a little black man with an awesome sense of humor, a lot of baggage and a dirty mind. He was still married at the time but would regale me with tales of his escapades with other women; to which I made no qualms about being appalled. I think he liked the innocense me and I liked his frankness and his stories entertained me so we became fast friends. We really had a lot in common, which was a bit surprising to both of us considering he came from the inner city and I came straight out of "Petticoat Junction". We both knew all about how to appreciate a good Ham and Beans with Fried Potatoes, Cornbread and Greens. We learned a lot about each others' cultures that I don't think either of us would have ever known without the other person. Clarence had a strong work ethic, strong belief in God, kept his temper even and was able to work Jayme out of the worst of her moods. We would joke that was because he was accustomed to working around drunks in the bar all the time. Clarence eventually was asked to manage the Roxy and he was offered more money than Teri and Jayme could afford to shell out to compete. He took the job so it became a ritual for all of us to go over and see him at the end of the day.
The company was growing at a tremendous rate. Teri's husband-Mike started coming in on his days off to help out and ended up taking over as kitchen manager because Jayme was tied up helping Teri in the office solicit and sell to clients. Mike and I are both Cancers and worked well together from the start. We were short handed a lot then so we worked a lot of 10-12 days and got to know each other pretty well. Mike was extremely easy to talk to, easy to work with, easy to laugh with and hard to make angry. He was also very supportive of Teri. He worked hard, he supported my efforts to better the food and myself within the culinary arts. I took a class that the company paid for because he had convinced Teri and Jayme I was worth the investment. Meanwhile, Jayme hired one of the bartenders from the bar (The Roxy) who had been fired. Her name was CC and she had no experience whatsoever. She was late, came in hung-over and worked slower than molasses most days. Having said that, she was also one of the funniest people I had ever known, learned fast, made an honest attempt to do well and she stayed and worked long after 5 with Mike and me during the holidays. I got to the point where I learned every part of a catering job-from expediting, delivering, helping set-up elaborate functions, serving and bartending, to head server and then when the vans came back, sometimes well after 10 o'clock at night-clean-up.
In less than two years, we took over another two sections of the strip mall-tripling our work space and had one heck of a successful catering operation. Jayme, however was a thorn in everybody's side. I had gotten to the point of just barely tolerating her as had Mike but Teri still held fast to her friendship. Although she spent most of her time without Jayme griping about Jayme. Jayme had never been good at separating her work from her social life-neither were the rest of us- and we had partied with her many times. Teri went home to her kids the first year but once Mike started working with us-we all went to the bar after a long day. Over time, Teri and Jayme would argue several beers into the evening about the business. Jayme would stomp out and Teri would vent to me and Mike about how unfair Jayme was and how selfish Jayme was acting. Teri and Jayme won two airline tickets anywhere around the world from a Chamber event and Teri agonized about whether she should go with Jayme to Europe as they had planned. She finally decided to take the three weeks with Jayme and they left the business for Mike and me to run. Mike was not amused that Teri had not ever even offered to buy another ticket so he could join them. He told her he felt like she just wanted a babysitter for her business...and looking back, I think he was right. She scoffed at him said he was being silly and told him to get over it. Teri came back from Europe with a renewed friendship with Jayme but it was short-lived. The holidays arrived and Jayme did very little to help us, slipping back into her old ways. We worked 7 day weeks-often 14 hours a day.
It took Teri a long time to admit the friendship was finished but when she did-she really wanted out of the business. She wanted nothing to do with Jayme then. Problem was...they were each exactly 50% partners and neither of them were interested in selling because it had become such a viable-nevermind lucrative- business. Neither of them thought the other person had done as much to grow the business. The worse they argued, the more Teri would talk to me about it. Soon, it was if Teri and I had always been best friends and by then I had divorced the ex and met Hubby. Hubby fit in with the three of us (like peas and carrots)and "The Group" was formed. Clarence remained a close friend and when his wife finally said she had enough (I can't say I would ever blame her.)and divorced him-he became the official 5th member.
More later~
Sophia March 24 MallottFor now, this will be my final entry regarding Greg. I have put off this blog because of all of the past with him, this is the most painful to write about. Even remembering it is hard.
After I moved back in with Greg at Christmas, his SIL Kerri (whom coincedentally is a distant cousin to me) brought home a puppy that she found running around outside where she worked. He didn't have a collar and was a bit thin so she took pity on him and brought him home. Steve was not about to let them keep another dog so she asked me if I would like to keep him. I jumped at the chance; I have always LOVED animals and particularly, dogs. I named him Mallott-for no particular reason, I just like the name. He had mostly white, short soft hair with a couple of brown spots on his side. He looked like a mixed spaniel/bird dog of some sort. He was very cute and cuddly and for me, a nice distraction in my life. He had a short body and a short, otter tail that wagged constantly. He followed me everywhere and was easily potty trained. Greg did not like the attention Mallott was getting and insisted after a couple of weeks that he be put outside on a chain.
I do not like dogs to be chained so that was yet another thing for us to fight about. I would put him on the chain when I went to work but even when I came home if Greg was there, he would be on the chain. And barking his head off because he wasn't getting any attention. He became ornery because of it. Plus Greg was rough with him so he would bite at Greg. But Mallott was sweet to me and was a good puppy, given the chance. I would sit outside with him on a sheet and we would lie in the sun and read. I do that with Mendy now. Sniff.
I paid for Mallotts' food and kept trying to keep him out of Greg's way. I just couldn't seem to keep control of all of it. Steve was constantly in Greg's ear about what a pain in the ass the puppy was. He was just barky because he was stuck out there all by himself. Greg would kick him if he had an accident in the house sometimes. I just really hated him for how he treated Mallott. Maybe for me, it was transference of how he treated me all the time that I really hated. I don't know. One day I came home from work and didn't hear Mallott out back barking. I came in and thought "good, maybe Greg has him in the house and is coming around." Mallott didn't meet me at the door, though. I came in and looked around and realized Greg wasn't home. I saw Steve's truck gone so I figured they were out fishing. That still didn’t explain where Mallott was! I ran out back and could see that the chain was gone. The water bowl was gone as well. I ran back in the house and saw the food bowl gone too.
I looked for Mallott all over the neighborhood and still nothing. He had run off one other time but only made it down the block before I caught up with him. (Which now I realize shows the state my mind was in. I had just seen the bowls were gone, that should have tipped me off) I just couldn't figure out what had happened to him. When I heard Steve's truck, I ran over and caught them just getting out of the truck. I said "Mallott's gone and I can't find him anywhere!" Steve shot Greg half a smile and shook his head and went in the house without a word. Greg just looked at me and said "what is for dinner?" I was furious! How could he just give away my dog? I threw a huge fit. I demanded to know where Mallott was and said I was going to get him, it was my dog. We went back and forth for a couple of hours about it. Greg finally said he was putting his foot down and there would be no more discussion about it. He said he was going out to mow. I followed him outside and continued to argue my point to him. He opened the shed door and kicked Mallotts' water bowl aside. I talked on for a minute and then stopped.
He turned around and told me to get out of the way. I refused and demanded the answer. He turned around and hissed "you dumb bitch, he's gone. Just let it go. He was a pain in the ass and I took care of it, now just drop it." Dumbfounded, I tried to make sense of what he had said. He dumped Mallott and didn't even give him away to a good home? I turned towards the house and said “I am going to find him, then." I could feel Greg coming towards me and ducked but he just grabbed my arm. He pulled me close to him and said "take the fu*king hint, Sophia, the dog is dead, I shot him in the fu*king head and watched him die. Now fu*king drop it!" He pushed me away as he let me go and I fell to the ground and started to sob. He turned on the mower and headed towards me, forcing me to get up. I ran into the house and threw myself on the bed, screaming and sobbing. I just couldn't believe it. I just could NOT believe it. How could he have been so cruel to little Mallott? Poor Mallott, I kept saying over and over in my head.
Rest in Peace, Little Mallott. I love you and I am so sorry. God bless you. Sophia March 23 Greg- The FinaleThe "Greg Chronicles" are not for children under 13 years old. If you are a teenager and reading my blog and under the age of 13, please seek guidance from your parents before reading these blogs. These stories are true and I have written them in hopes of opening up peoples eyes to what is happening in our schools and to our children. Please note, there is violence. Please CLICK HERE for more information on helping identify and stopping teen violence. If we don't care about our children, who will?
I came home from College one day to find Greg's car sitting in my driveway. I just looked up at the sky and thought, why me?
I left him right after Christmas and moved in with my Mom about 15 minutes from Nowhereville. Dad had been moved again with the military so he lived about 3 hours from us now. I stayed several days with her and every day Greg would stalk me in the restaurant where I worked. Finally, the owner called the cops and made him leave. Then he would wait for me to get off work and beg and plead for me to come back. I did. Mom was so pissed she said if I left she wouldn't help me leave him again. I can't say as I blame her. Everyone was tired of watching me go back. My schooling, needless to say, suffered terribly. At this time, we had moved to a little house that was next door to his brother and sister-in-law. When I came back to him at Christmas, his SIL came over and talked to me privately. She said that Steve had been beating her for years. They were the same couple as we were in High School and everyone thought it was so cute that we were just like Steve and Kerri. She looked at me and said, "You still have a chance, get away while you can." They are still married today as far as I know. One Saturday night, after I had been back a couple of months, Greg told me he was going to go over to a buddy's to play poker. He told me to have a girls' night. Of course, all of my girlfriends were in the college town (I drove 1/2 hour each way every day) so I didn't have anyone to call but he knew that already. He was cocky and cold, telling me not to wait up; "it could be an all nighter" when he left and I knew something was not right about his story. Since when did he play poker? I waited for a couple of hours and called his buddy's house. No answer. I got in my car and drove by. No Greg and no lights on. I got that familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach. I went back home and waited for awhile. Later in the night, I went back by and still saw no vehicles or lights on. On my way back to town, I saw Greg's car on a crossing street. My lights shone in the windows and I saw him laughing and three other heads in the vehicle. I turned to follow him and they headed for his buddies house. I slowed up so that they would all be out of the car by the time I pulled into the drive. Greg had his arm around a blonde senior girl and his other hand wrapped around a half empty bottle of Jack Daniel's. His buddies' favorite. I got out of the car screaming at the girl and she ran into the house. He stopped me from chasing her and growled in my ear for me to go home and wait for him. I tried to kick him in the groin and missed which made him laugh. I took the bottle of Jack and threw it against the house and told him to go fuck himself. He came home several hours later, fairly drunk and not happy that I had tried to ruin his good time. We argued for awhile and I told him I was through with all of it. The lying, cheating-just all of it. He reached across the kitchen and slapped me across the face. Then he said,"I'll let you know when you are through" and started to walk into the living room. My hand touched my face-it stung and I struggled for a minute to keep a tear back. My head had snapped to the right when he hit me and I was still looking at the stove. I saw the iron frying pan his mother had recently given me. She said "you can't make a decent fried chicken without a decent skillet, Hon!" I grabbed the handle without a word. It was heavy and I steadied myself and placed my other hand on the handle and grabbed it up like a baseball bat. He was talking a steady stream of profanity and abuse but still walking away from me. I walked after him and swung the pan as hard as I could. As soon as it hit his head, he fell to the ground. I dropped the pan in shock. Fu*k. What had I done?
I looked down at him and he was out cold, face down. I bent down and noticed he reeked of perfume and booze. I could see that he was breathing and I felt the back of his head. I could feel a knot already forming but no blood. Whew. Now what? I could still smell the perfume in the air. "You sonofabitch" I said more to myself than him. I stood up straight and kicked him square in the ribs. "Oomph" I heard. No movement. I looked around for a moment, stepped over him and walked into the bedroom. A voice in my head said "if you are going to get out of this alive- this is your chance. JUST GO!" I looked at myself in the mirror for a moment. My hair was long and wild, my face streaked with mascara and one cheek still pink with a hand print. I picked up the Caboodle make-up case my brother had given me and grabbed a change of clothes. I took my purse and looked down at Greg again. He stirred slightly. I silently went to the door and snuck out. I put my car in neutral and walked it out of the driveway (which was a bit down hill so not a chore) and got in, put the clutch down, started my little car and roared away. I had $20.00 to my name, finals the next day (for the classes I hadn't dropped) and no where to go. But I was out.
That time, I didn't go back. My Mom didn't hold true to her word and helped me get by for awhile. That story is a story for another day. This section has probably been the hardest thing I have ever done, save living through the whole thing to begin with. I still struggle with the fear that someday, Greg will find me. He always said (even at our 5th reunion, which was the first and last reunion I will attend) that we would get back together because no one else could do what he did for me. That is part of the reason I decide to write about it. I am tired of running. I am tired of dreaming about it. I am tired of fearing people will think I am stupid for having abuse in my past. My hubby tells me it takes a strong woman to walk away from something familiar into a complete unknown, no matter how awful the familiar is. I can't say I have ever agreed with that statement. My take on it was if I had been so damned strong to start, I wouldn't have been in that mess for so long.
I have resisted forgiving Greg, even though I know that is how I will truly be able to heal and go forward. It's not something I think he deserves. It's occurred to me that it's not about him. It's about me. I deserve a chance to live my life in peace. I deserve to live without black anger and pain in my heart. It is that reason that I will say- I forgive you Greg. I forgive you for every time you made me cry, bleed, coil and wince in pain, say "Uncle". I forgive you for intimidating, antagonizing, lying, cheating, manipulating, sneering, jeering-all of it. I forgive you for hitting my brother. I forgive you for killing my dog. (A blog still to come.) I forgive you for pinching, biting, stabbing, slapping, flicking, shoving, punching and hitting me. I forgive you for throwing the Christmas tree at me. I forgive you for shoving me down a flight of stairs. (Luckily for me, I am athletic and I caught myself before any bones were broken.) I forgive you and I am moving on with my life. Good riddance and good bye.
March 22 Greg-The Later YearsThe "Greg Chronicles" are not for children under 13 years old. If you are a teenager and reading my blog and under the age of 13, please seek guidance from your parents before reading these blogs. These stories are true and I have written them in hopes of opening up peoples eyes to what is happening in our schools and to our children. Please note, there is violence. Please CLICK HERE for more information on helping identify and stopping teen violence. If we don't care about our children, who will?
The summer after my Junior year, I turned 17 and I had a blast. I decided after Greg broke up with me that last time, it was final. I was moving on for good. I made some girlfriends that year on my Cheerleading squad (no comments, please) and became close with two sisters-Dana and Lana. They had cousins in a town that was further away than our little neighboring towns...about 30 minutes or so from home. When I started hanging out with them, we would go over there for parties and stay at their house as it was closer than my house to home. And their parents were WAY more liberal with curfew. Dad liked their Father so he let me stay there quite a bit. There were guys coming over to hang out in the hottub-and they talked to me, which I loved. I got lots of attention at the parties in the new town because no one knew me or cared who I had been dating. I really loved that. I actually started to feel good about myself, that summer. I dated a guy named Darin, whom you now know, if you have been reading the blog. After that fateful night, Darin got back together with his ex-girlfriend.
Senior year started with two black eyes from the big event in the garage. I got a lot of looks but not as many questions as you would think. Nowheresville is a small community, where everyone knows everything about everybody but when it comes to domestic abuse-no one wants to get involved. I had of course, been talked into getting back together with Greg. I had made him agree that he would never hit me again and I would never hit him. My senior year, I resigned myself to the fact that although the relationship wasn't perfect, we were considered a forever couple. Most of my teachers asked me how long Greg and I would wait to marry after school. To which I always replied, "we don't talk about it." Which was mostly true. He mentioned it occassionally and then we would fight about it. I got to where I fought with him less, mostly because I was frightened of being hit again. I worked on getting into college, knowing his grades would not get him to college and hoping against hope that I could then get away from him. He convinced me not to go out for any of the sports I had been in so we could spend "quality" time together. I was already on the Cheerleading Squad so I continued doing that. Christmas time brought a Promise Ring with a tiny diamond that I wore on my left hand. I was so disappointed in the ring. Before we graduated, I had given it back to him several times and once he had stepped on it in a jealous rage (no, I NEVER dated anyone else while we were "on") so then it had a bend in the back of it. It was a real quality piece from Wal-Mart.
Part of me wished we could just get along and get back to how it was in the beginning but the other side of me was so fed up with all of the drama and accusations, I just wanted to get away. I would tell him I was going to make something of myself someday and get the hell out of that little town. He would always look right at me and say the same thing, "Sophia, niether of us are going to do anything but get married, fu*k and fight. We will have a bunch of brats that we can't afford and be poor just like our folks, it's just what life is." I would always say I didn't want kids and I didn't want to stay in this little piece of shit town. He would just shrug and laugh at me. I remember looking out the window sometimes when he was driving us to the movies (about a 1/2 an hour from Nowhereville) and think, "you have to get out of this, you have to end this and move on, you deserve more!" and hot tears would roll down my face. Most of the time, Greg didn't notice but once he did. He said "what are you bawling about now, JESUS!" That started a fight as you can imagine.
Mid-winter, our rule about not hitting each other had to be redifined. In an arguement, I had turned away from him when he was speaking and he slapped me in the back of the head and told me not to turn away from him. When I turned around in rage and said "You hit me! You said you would never do that again!" He said "No, I said I would never hit you in the face again, that didn't even hurt you!" When I started to cry he hit me again on the ear and told me to shut up. I got up and left but again, was talked back into going back with him. It was never his fault, you see, it was mine. I had flirted with that guy, I had smarted off, I had bitched too much, whatever it was, I had done it. And I was a smart mouth so sometimes, I guess I thought he was right.
Shortly before we graduated, we went on a Senior Class Trip (Senior Sneak) to St. Louis. We went with two sponsers and had saved for four years for the trip. We were all psyched! It took 1 day there before one of the guys pulled me off the side and told me that Greg screwed a girl from the floor above us the night before. He looked at me and said "Sophia, when are you going to quit putting with his shit?" , shook his head at me and walked away. I didn't even bother to break up with him that time. The night we graduated, we all went to a huge party one of the Juniors threw for us. We had a blast for awhile, all of us hugging and crying together. A few beers later, I noticed Greg and one of the other girls from my class had snuck off together. I found them necking behind the back of the trailer. The girls' best friend was with me and dragged me away before I made a fool of myself. Soon everyone at the party knew and most everyone snubbed them when they came back in so they just left again. Greg didn't even acknowledge my presense there. It was awful. Once again and for the last time, I thought, I am through.
 That summer, Greg got a job with a buddy of his in Missouri. I was thrilled but kept that to myself. As per usual, right before he left, he broke up with me. I moved out on my own that summer and rented a tiny two room furnished apartment in the basement of Curt's grandparent's house. (Yes, he had forgiven me by then.) We had seen each other since graduation several times and I, of course, was scared to try to go out with anyone else and no one would ask me out anyhow. I started school at a Community College where most of my classmates from High School attended as well. All of the girls, especially the one that had necked with him on graduation night wanted me to stay faithful to him and thought it would be terrible to break up with him now that he was "working towards our future". I hated it. I ignored them and started dating anyway. Or at least finally got a date set up with a guy I found interesting.
More Later
FightingThe "Greg Chronicles" are not for children under 13 years old. If you are a teenager and reading my blog and under the age of 13, please seek guidance from your parents before reading these blogs. These stories are true and I have written them in hopes of opening up peoples eyes to what is happening in our schools and to our children. Please note, there is violence. Please CLICK HERE for more information on helping identify and stopping teen violence. If we don't care about our children, who will?
Greg and I fought before we ever got together. He was a complete assh*le sometimes. He would say the crudest, nastiest things in class just under his breath. He was dirty minded and would sneer at you if you gave him a look. I was never one to hide how my feelings and that included being disgusted with someone. I can't tell you the number of times he called me a bitch my Freshman year to which I would tell him to go blow. Many, many times.
In some ways, Greg and I were similar. We were both angry and used to seeing fighting in our families. My folks (as you will read later in this blog) divorced when I was 8-none to soon. I don't remember a lot of fighting but I don't remember a lot of love either. There was just very little emotion at all. Mom remarried quickly and her and my Pop argue all the time. Still do, now that I think of it. (BTW-Dad is Dad, Pop is my step-dad.) Dad remarried a woman who refused to have conflict so they wouldn't fight but there would be several days in a row of silence and tension between them. As an adult, I can honestly say, none of the marriages I grew up around were a good outline for a healthy marraige. Not that they didn't try. I am sure you know what I mean. Greg, as you know, had hell for a life. So it makes sense all we knew how to do was fight and make-up.
Greg was an antagonist and I was and still can be, a reactor. Not a good mix. The more I reacted, the more he antagonized. He would push and push me until I blew my top. As years' progressed, it became very volatile at times. We would argue about everything. If it was during school, we would argue between classes and then on the phone that night. Most of the time, he would do things to me when no one was around so then all anyone saw was my reaction. If he pinched the inside of my thigh and it hurt, all anyone saw was me get mad and walk away from him. He would flick the back of my ear in class, which hurt after awhile. He would push me down stairs "for fun". Within the first year, we had probably broken up a dozen times. Greg had this way of talking to me..."oh, that's it, show your ass" or "what a stupid thing to say" or "what's your problem?" or "why don't you just get mad about it?" he would sneer. Most of the time, the first year, I was mad at him and the kids at school always gave me a hard time for being mad at him. Somewhere along there, it all changed. Especially when we were by ourselves. Our arguments escalated to shoving. Most of the time, we would just yell and scream at each other but every now and then he would act like he was going to hit me and then shove me. I would really lose it then and scream at him "Go ahead, you piece of sh*t, just hit me." I hated fighting. Hated it. And I hated being mad all the time. Before I could officially go out on dates with him, he would go to parties on the weekend. Monday morning, I would hear tales from one source or another talking about him driving some girl home and not returning to the party...or seen kissing a girl. I would just lose it at him and he would just laugh and say they were full of it. They were jealous of our relationship so they would make up all those things about him. I believed him but I never really trusted him. I guess I didn't really believe him. Greg was of the opinion that we should go dutch most of the time. That said, if he was trying to get back together with me, he bought me whatever I wanted. He bought me an Alpine stereo for my car after one big fight. He also ripped it out of the dash after another. I worked and so did he. He made really good money hauling hay in the summer, I waitressed most of the time. He would always say if I wanted to ride around in a nice car that he paid for, I had to pay for something! He had this thing about "marking" his territory, which meant hickeys. Which hurt and I hated. After awhile, I started giving them back to him, hoping he wouldn't like the look and quit. He liked them! I was constantly hiding them under make-up. He could leave one as big as a half dollar on my neck, thighs, stomach-anywhere he could get to. In time, I used them to mark him because I thought the girls might be less likely to run off with him. Didn't seem to help much.
Just before my Senior year started, during one of Greg and my many breaks, I met a guy named Darin (through Lana and Dana-girlfriends of mine.) that I thought was a real hottie. He had blonde hair, light blue eyes and the sweetest smile with dimples. He had a new truck and always had money. The sisters knew him well and were looking to set me up with someone all summer. As soon as he found out I liked him, he called me (I thought I had gotten so lucky on that!). He was just out of school and so sweet. I really liked him instantly. Dana and Lana LOVED that I was away from Greg and took every opportunity to get Darin and me together. He came to see all of my volleyball games and always followed the bus to the McDonald's we stopped at afterwards to eat. He always paid for my dinner. No one told Greg. Which I thought was interesting because even though we were broken up, everyone always told me what he was doing. Anyway, I had plans to go out and meet Darin at a small private hottub party a girlfriend of ours was throwing. I was staying the night with Lana and Dana and I was really looking forward to the night. The last time I had seen Darin, I had so much fun. He was funny, smart and so cute. I just loved hanging out with him. He treated me like a queen. He always paid, he opened every door for me and he was out of school (!), which was so cool. And my Father loved the fact that I was dating someone other than Greg, even if he was out of school. Darin and I had agreed early on that I would go to his town to hang out because then we would have no chance of running into Greg-although he always said he wasn't afraid of Greg. Greg, on the other hand, as far as I had heard- was having a fine time partying all summer and had dated several girls in three different towns! Every now and then Greg would call, which was his way when we were broken up. Just to keep me stringing along, I guess. This summer though, I didn't do a whole lot of talking on the phone and pining away as I had in the past. I was evasive to his questions and when he would ask where I was on the weekends, I would tell him home. By then, though I was driving and he got to where he would drive by and see that I wasn't home. Earlier in the same day as the hottub party, Greg called. Where was I going? With whom? Why didn't I want to talk to him anymore? Same old shit, different day. I finally got tired of being evasive and told him I had to go and just hung up. He called back twice more and I didn't answer-red flag for him, I guess. I got packed up early to go to Lana and Dana's because I was so excited to start the evening. I had just gotten my car started when Greg pulled in the drive. I talked to him for awhile, trying to continue being evasive as to where I was going and why. Then he turned on the tears and started the "you don't love me anymore" thing. I tried to console him for awhile but I finally just got tired of it and told him I had someplace to be so I needed to go. I got in my car and he ran to get into his. By now, he was driving a 1985 Monte Carlo (which in 1989 was pretty darn nice) and he quickly got it in front of my car and blocked my way out of the drive. I got out and started screaming at him. I had just lost patience. "Get the f*ck out of the way, GODDAMNIT GREG, just leave me alone! You don't even care about me, you just don't want to see me with anyone else!" Oops. I slipped. He slammed the car in park and got out and put his nose an inch from my face, "What did you say? What do you mean anyone else? You f*cking slut, where are you going?" (In my mind, I am thinking, just keep cool and you will get out of this. The whole time, I am getting stickier and hotter in the August heat and wondering if I will need to shower again before I go out.) I told him I just wanted to be left alone, I was going to spend the night with Lana and Dana that we were having a slumber party and he was going to make me late. I got in my car and started to leave. He got in the passenger side and put his hands on the steering wheel and turned it towards his car. "Just hit it! You bitch, you f*cking bitch! Why don't you just f*cking kill me! I can't take your slutting around anymore!" he yelled and started bawling again. I started to say something and he looked at me, his slate blue eyes looking right through me with rage- "SHUT THE F*CK UP!" , he yelled and punched the windshield. My windshield. It spider-webbed instantly and I screamed. I started yelling "you assh*le, you assh*le, you are paying for that!" He said (and believe me this is not the kind of exchange you forget so yes, it really happened) "I cannot believe you are so concerned with your windshield, look at my ring!" The impact of course, had broken the stone in his ring and he already had a red mark on his knuckles, I think his ring had taken the brunt of it. I finally convinced him to get out of my car and literally drove my car through the yard to get out of the driveway. Thank God, Dad parked his tractor there to work on it sometimes so he didn't notice the yard being driven on. Greg followed me out to Lana and Dana's, of course and I spent another half an hour out there convincing him that even though I loved him, I just wanted to be free for right now but NO I WAS NOT seeing anyone. Finally, the girls' Dad came out and asked if everything was okay. Dejected, he left.
Lana, Dana and I got to the party late but we made the best of it. Darin was there and saving me a seat in the hottub. I didn't tell him what happened right away but when I got drunk and fell down the steps trying to get out of the hottub, he figured something was wrong. I didn't usually drink to excess then and rarely had more than a couple of beers on anyone occasion. He sat me down away from everyone and I told him the whole sorted tale. I remember his face looking at me with such concern-so gently moving the hair back from my face so he could see me in the moonlight. I didn't want him to worry so I tried not to cry which only made me cry harder. He finally just pulled me close and told me to let it out. He was so sweet to me. I cried on him for a long time and then he took me inside. It was nice being with someone who wasn't so selfish. He told me I was too good for him, nonetheless Greg. He told me he wanted me to call him the next time something like that happened because it was high time he and his friends met Greg. I laughed out loud when he said that. I would have given anything to see Greg intimidated the way he always intimidated others. About that time, I got pretty dizzy and threw up in the toilet. Darin said he would drive me to Dana and Lana's so off we went. Five minutes into the ride, I told him I felt dizzy again so he told me to lay my head on his leg and try to sleep. No funny stuff, he promised. I didn't sleep but I just lay there with my eyes closed. He hummed to the radio and rubbed my back. I felt protected and didn't ever want to move.
I heard the truck slowing to stop and he whispered that we were almost there. I got up and said thank you and we talked for a minute as he slowed to a stop in front of the house. Suddenly, Darin looked behind his right shoulder and said "oh shit". By that time, his car door had opened and I had been smattered with blood from Darin's nose. Greg had sucker punched him. Darin took one look at me and told me to run. I did. Greg beat the shit out of him. I watched from the porch window. Greg never even let him get out of the truck and fight fair. I was so devastated. I just knew Darin wouldn't see me again. Darin wheeled out of the driveway once he got Greg off of him and squealed out onto the road. Greg came towards me and I went in the house. He started yelling so I went back out for fear we would wake Dana and Lana's parents. Whom normally, would sleep through about anything but I wasn't taking any chances. He was furious. He called me every name in the book. (Of course, when he saw my head come up from Darin's lap, you can imagine what he thought I was doing.) I started to go back in and his voice changed. "Wait, I came out here to tell you something, I have been waiting for hours." I didn't stop walking so he kept talking; "my Mom died tonight." I froze in my tracks. I knew we couldn't stay in the driveway so I met him down at the tracks, where we were free to talk. The next two hours, he told me how she had apparently dropped on the kitchen floor-dead of a heart attack and that all he needed was me to talk to him and he would be okay. I finally got him calmed down and drove home. I was exhausted and overwhelmed. He followed, of course and parked down a ways from the house and walked down. I literally hadn't been in bed five minutes. The screen window on my bedroom was open because we didn't have air conditioning. He hissed for me to come back outside. I begged him in a theater whisper to let me sleep but nothing doing. March 20 Greg-Con'tThe "Greg Chronicles" are not for children under 13 years old. If you are a teenager and reading my blog and under the age of 13, please seek guidance from your parents before reading these blogs. These stories are true and I have written them in hopes of opening up peoples eyes to what is happening in our schools and to our children. Please note, there is violence. Please CLICK HERE for more information on helping identify and stopping teen violence. If we don't care about our children, who will?
The summer after my sophomore year, Greg was invited to Detroit to stay with his Aunt and Uncle for the summer and work in a gas station his uncle owned. We fought bitterly about his decision to go up there. He had moved in with his brother and sister-in-law, who lived in town much closer to where I lived. It had gotten to be way too scary at his Mom's house. (And Greg wanted to be closer to me, it was about 25 minutes from my house to his Mom's house.) They thought Greg and I were too serious and should take a break. Greg thought they were right. I was devastated. 2 days before he left, I ran into him at a wedding for two Seniors whom had just graduated. (Yes, she was pregnant *gasp* and coincedentally, the one who snubbed me the most for the whole break-up with Greg the first time. She acted like such a slut and had the rep to match.) I got drunk and so did he...so you can imagine that we ended up dancing together. I had lost my virginity to him mid-winter and I was still so smitten with him. He took my hand and took me to his car and we went off parking. We stayed up all night and talked. He said he never wanted to break up and I said neither did I so we got back together even though he was leaving all summer. He made me promise not to date while he was gone. I got home at 4AM. Dad was out looking for me and furious with me when he got home. He grounded me for the whole summer.
 Greg called me a lot at first but then mid-June, the calls slowed down to once a week. I called him a couple of times, even though I wasn't supposed to use the long distance. (No free cell phone minutes back then.) One of the times I called, I was called another girls' name when I asked for Greg. Obviously, he hadn't been as faithful as I had.
I was SO ANGRY! Of course, I was grounded anyway so it's not like I was out and about and I thought the whole this was just so unfair. I turned 16 in July (he sent me two mushy birthday cars and called) and he came back in early August for football practice. (Can't go without the Star runningback, you know!) He had put on 20 pounds and looked terrible. I gave him back his ring and letterjacket-and I was miserable-all along he said he was innocent. I was so mad at him. He was cocky from his summer away and said he was over me anyway. My Junior year started in complete and total agony. I quit eating and was very thin. 122 lbs at 5'8". My waist was 22" around.  I got a new hair style and a new job in the neighboring town and tried to move on. It was tough because as far as the other guys were concerned, I was Gregs' girl, whether we were together or not. He had made it clear he would beat the shit out of anyone who breathed in my general direction. One night in the fall on a Saturday, I saw Greg cruising by my house. Several times. It just killed me. I watched him drive by and turn around and drive by again and again for an hour. It was after mid-night when he quit and I knew he had gone home. When the heater kicked on, I checked to see if the house was dark. It was and Dad slept heavy. Especially now because he had just gotten seperated from his wife (again) and he was mentally exhausted. I snuck out barefooted and ran the mile and a half or so down to his house. I rapped on his window (which happened to be on the renovated porch) with my heart thumping in my chest. He opened the window and came out immediately.
He reeked of alcohol and I figured he had probably been at a party with some girl. I just cried and cried on his shoulder. I didn't say much. Neither did he. He had no problem making love to me though. I felt so terrible about myself and I knew he was using me. I was so lonely. He was my best friend. I rubbed his back until he fell asleep after and left. I cried the whole way home and promised myself I wouldn't do that again. The next Monday in school whenever he caught me alone, he flirted like crazy with me. When he was around everyone else he completely ignored me. Such controlling head games both of us played. He started asking me to sneak out a couple of times during the week, to which I usually complied. About 2 months into this new routine I found out he had given his ring to a girl in the neighboring town. I was so angry with him and just beside myself. I cut him off altogether and tried to go on. No one in our little town would ask me out. I spent most of my Junior year working and trying to get good grades so I could get into college. In the spring, Greg ran track and was not doing well(he was a track star too). He came to my window late one night early in the track season, when it was still cold. I snuck out and talked to him. He said he couldn't run without me in his life. He said he just wasn't the same. I told him I would come and watch and support him but that I couldn't get back with him. He was still dating the girl in the nieghboring town! I joined the team and he got gold medals in the next 8 events he ran. I did okay too-but my medals weren't normally golds! LOL He finally convinced me to get back together and I rode with him to the nieghboring town to get his ring back from that girl. I ripped up all of her letters and pictures and threw them out. Coincendentally (not) Prom was around the corner. I had worried and fretted about that Prom. I ended up getting grounded because I lied about the after party and Mom found out about it. She let me go to the Prom but I had to be home early. Greg made it to State that year in track. He broke up with me just before they left to leave for the week. Why I didn't see that coming, I'll never know.  More later- Greg-The Early YearsThe "Greg Chronicles" are not for children under 13 years old. If you are a teenager and reading my blog and under the age of 13, please seek guidance from your parents before reading these blogs. These stories are true and I have written them in hopes of opening up peoples eyes to what is happening in our schools and to our children. Please note, there is violence. Please CLICK HERE for more information on helping identify and stopping teen violence. If we don't care about our children, who will?
Sigh. Why? Why did I start a blog and then have to talk about "Him" first? Well, to get it off of my chest, I guess. It's high time. I'll start at the beginning. *** Deeeeeeeeeeeeep Breath***I met Greg at my high school, we were in the same grade together. I was new there, a Freshman-my brother and I had recently moved in with my Dad and his wife and son. In small towns, the Freshman attend the same school as the rest of the High Schoolers. I paid little attention to him my Freshman year. He repulsed me. He was onery, not a good student and had a reputation for a really bad temper. He was however, a great athlete, very funny and had a great body. He was losing his hair already, which I always found odd. He was a year older than the other kids in the class..apparently due to moving around when he was young. I thought later it was just because he wasn't worth a shit at studying but whatever. I was a year younger because I tested out of a grade at a young age so we were nearly two years' difference in age.
My Sophomore year, at the beginning of the year, one of the guys in my class got a huge crush on me. Now this is a tiny town that I am from so our class had a whole 17 people in it. He was NOT attractive and was pretty much considered the class nerd-Curt is his name (wherever he is now, I hope he is happy). Which was pretty typical of the guys who paid attention to me. One Saturday night at the arcade where all of us hung out that were not allowed to drive or date yet,(yes we all were nerdy but not Curt nerdy) he was relentless. He would follow me around and just make my life miserable. I finally took him outside and tried to be kind in telling him that I just didn't want to hang out with him. He, as usual, did not listen. Greg happened to pull up outside in his car, an old white 1979 Monte Carlo-Whitesnake blaring on his Alpine system. He said something smart to me and I smiled sweetly at him. Now this would have made him think a minute, because normally, I told him to go blow. It did make him think. He stopped and turned around to talk to me. I asked about the CD he was playing and asked if I could get in and take a ride to listen to "Here I Go Again", my current favorite song. Greg, confused, happily indulged. Curt blew a gasket as soon as he saw me get in the car and punched a telephone pole. Real bright. He broke the stone in his brand new class ring.
Greg rode me around for 15 minutes or so and we didn't talk much. About 5 minutes into the ride, I realized I was doing something my Father would have a fit if he found out about. My Father was very strict. Greg dropped me off and said he was going to go in and see what was up. Curt shot me a look and went back inside. My girlfriend pulled me off to the side and said "what the hell are you doing?" I didn't know it then but Greg was known as a player and I was so naive and innocent. It didn't occur to me that I might look like less of a lady riding around with him. It didn't tarnish my rep because I wasn't in the car long enough for anything to have happened.
Rumors started going around at school that we were an item-which I thought was odd. I mean it was just a ride! He hung out by my locker a lot and was really nice to me. I remember thinking "he's not as bad as I thought." Some of the girls started teasing me about Greg having a big crush on me. I thought that was ridiculous because he was always seen with the most popular girls. What would he want with me? I was sure not going to give him anything to help his reputation! When basketball season started, I was still not driving so I walked the mile or so home. It wasn't too bad until it started getting cold. Greg drove home out past my house and started offering me a ride. I took him up on it. Why not? It's better than walking! I don't remember how it was that we became a couple. He started calling me all the time and asking me to help with his Accounting homework. We would end up talking a lot about his home life, which totally sucked for him. His Dad died of a brain aneurism when he was very young. His Mom remarried a few years later to a man that was a mean drunk named Tom. Tom was violent and beat the sh*t out of Greg and his Mom. He literally lived in hell. He used to tell me I was the only bright spot in his day. I don't remember our first kiss. He knew his shit and all of those kisses in the early days blew my mind, I remember that. And I was completely naive in every sense of the word.
We didn't date because I was just 15 and my Father wouldn't hear of it. Greg took me to Fall Homecoming though but I had to be STRAIGHT home after the dance ended at 11:00. We hung out for a couple of months and I guess I just became disinterested in him. He was so totally over the moon over me. Just spoony (as my Hubby would say) over me. I didn't get it. He told me he loved me all the time. And always wanted to go further than whatever base he got to with me. I broke up with him and he was devastated. (I realized as an adult, he was already in love with me.) He cried and cried. He followed me around endlessly and cried to all of the girls about it. The Seniors, in turn, snubbed me for making him feel so bad. "You didn't even break up with him for a reason!" It sucked. I continued to tell him to leave me alone for a couple of weeks. Finally, he got mad right before a big group of them headed to the city for a concert and said "FINE, I am going to find some girl at the show and get laid! I don't need this shit anymore from a fuc*ing virgin!" They left that night (Friday) and were gone all weekend.
I got to thinking about that and all weekend I thought about it. Hmmmmmm, the more I thought about it, the less I liked the thought of Greg with anyone! Monday morning in school, one of the Senior girls was quick to tell me Greg spent most of the concert necking with some girl a row behind them. I was furious! And shocked at my own furiousness. I said nothing to her and refused to react and give her the satisfaction. Greg ignored me all day. The next day, I asked if I could talk to him and met him in one of the back hallways. I asked him about the concert and he said nothing happened. He said he was drunk and miserable the whole time. I told him what the Senior girl had said to me and he blew it off. I told him I wanted to try again with him and he was ecstatic. I remember he gave me a huge bear hug and kissed me. That kiss, I remember. It was warm and long and seemed to meld us together. My stomach flipped over and over. He smelled so good and was so happy. *Sniff*. That was probably one of the happiest times we ever had. He gave me his class ring right that second, which I never had worn before. And he gave me his Letterman's jacket, which was the thing at the time. He was one of few Sophomores whom had lettered and he was so proud of that jacket.
We actually got an applause from the Senior girls when we walked into the gym together that afternoon after lunch. What a bunch of meddling bitties.
From that time until we were over, we were ON. I mean on. We were hot and heavy and everyone knew it was Greg and Sophia. You saw one, you saw the other. We could not get enough of each other. I think we were both about half obsessed. It was the beginning for 4 years of love, passion, angst and fighting. Lots and lots of fighting. More later.... |
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